The ‘BEST THERAPIST IN RVA’

RVA Counseling
Jan 26
4 min read

Why Finding a Therapist Can Feel Like Dating (And How to Get It Right)

If you’ve ever started searching for a therapist and thought, “Why does this feel like I’m swiping on a dating app?”, you’re not alone. Finding the right therapist can be surprisingly similar to dating: you’re looking for chemistry, compatibility, trust, and someone you can genuinely be yourself with. And just like dating… sometimes the first match isn’t the right one.

But that doesn’t mean the right fit isn’t out there.

There’s No One “Best” Therapist, Only the Best Fit for You

People often come into therapy hoping for the perfect match on the first try. A therapist who instantly “gets” them. Someone who’s warm, insightful, compassionate, skilled… and available at a time that fits their schedule. Sounds dreamy, right?

The truth? There is no single best therapist for everyone. Just as everyone has different needs in a relationship, every person has unique needs in therapy.

Some therapists specialize in trauma. Some focus on anxiety or depression. Some use structured, skill-based approaches. Some are more conversational and intuitive.

A therapist can have a wall full of degrees and a résumé that would make anyone swoon, but if you don’t feel comfortable, if something feels off, or if the connection just isn’t there… it's okay to move on. The vibe matters just as much as the skillset.

If It Doesn’t Click, It’s Not a Sign Something’s Wrong

Think about that first date where you sit across from someone who checks all the boxes on paper… but the spark just isn’t there. Therapy can be the same way.

Fit is real. And it’s important.

You deserve a therapist who feels safe, supportive, and aligned with how you communicate. And therapists know this! Most genuinely appreciate when clients seek what feels right, even if it’s not with them.

So How Do You “Get It Right”?

Here Are Some Helpful Tips:

Know What You’re Looking For (Before You Start Swiping… or Searching)

Take a moment to brainstorm:

What do you want to work on?
What kind of personality do you connect with?
What times/days do they have sessions? Does their schedule align with yours?
Do you prefer structured therapy or a more conversational approach?
Do you want someone direct? Gentle? Warm? Clinical? Funny?
What insurances do they accept? Are they self pay only? Do they offer sliding scale payment or have intern appointments for reduced rates?

Having clarity can narrow your search and help you quickly spot therapists who align with your needs.

Use Consultations to Test the Waters

Many therapists offer free consultations, think of these as low-pressure “first dates.” No commitment. No strings attached. Just a chance to see if you vibe.

During the consult, pay attention to:

How they explain therapy
Whether they ask thoughtful questions
How comfortable you feel, are you connecting with them
Whether their energy matches what you’re looking for

Make sure to ask questions:

What days/times are you available for sessions?
Are you structured or more relaxed and conversational?
How would you describe your personality and therapeutic approach?
What insurances do you accept? Are you self pay only, are there other options for payment?

If it feels off, it’s totally okay to say, “Thank you, but I’m going to explore other options.”

Notice the Therapist’s Language and Style

Some clients resonate with a clinician who uses clinical terms, which may support your work together by offering clinical clarity, professional trust, and mutual understanding. Others prefer someone who keeps things simple, warm, and down-to-earth.

Pay attention to how the therapist talks about:

The issues you’re facing
Their approach
What therapy with them looks like

Your comfort level is a huge indicator of a good match.

Now, How Do You Find Your Therapist?

Here Are Some Helpful Tips:

Check Insurance Networks- But Don’t Rely on Them Completely

Insurance directories can be helpful, but they’re often outdated. The therapist who shows up online might not be accepting clients anymore, or may no longer take your plan.

Use it as a starting point, but always double-check through:

The therapist’s website
A quick email
Or a call to their practice

Consider Word of Mouth

Just like dating, sometimes the best matches come from the people who know you well.

Ask trusted friends, family, coworkers, or your primary care provider if they have recommendations. They might know someone who aligns with your personality and values.

Call Group Practices for Support

Group practices often have multiple clinicians and an intake coordinator who can help match you with someone who fits your needs, kind of like your own personal matchmaking service.

Tell them what you're looking for, and let them guide you through your options.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve a Therapist Who Feels Right

Finding the right therapist can feel vulnerable, exciting, confusing, or even a little awkward, and all of that is completely normal. What matters most is that you end up with someone who feels supportive, safe, and aligned with your goals.

And just like dating, the right fit is worth holding out for.

Wherever your search takes you, we hope you find a therapeutic relationship that feels supportive and aligned with your goals. RVA Counseling may be available as a resource for you! We’re happy to answer questions, talk through your goals and our options, and help connect you with a clinician who could be a great match.